After weeks going by, at the suggestion of my therapist I attended a mental illness support group. I brought my mom along to support me! She was great and even participated. My anxiety is so high that I have to have my mom accompany me pretty much everywhere, aside from Church, which brings me tremendous peace. I go to church 7 days a week and it really helps to lower my anxiety. I will definitely be a regular at the support group since it makes me leave the house for an hour and be around fellow bipolars. It is our own mad tea party, a mixture of this and that all coming together to formulate a unigue recipe in friendship in the end. I encourage anyone suffering from a mental illness to seek out a support group.
This blogger really resonated with me.
I have been listening to Christmas music for a month now. Before Halloween, Christmas was in the air for me. I started decorating and the gifts are piled high. Starbucks seems to validate my Christmas obsession with their line of Christmas drinks, which I’m happily enjoying, each sip bringing me closer to that magical day. What happened to Halloween? I still celebrated in a frenzy, donning a jack o lantern shirt and passing out candy. If the kids got a peek of my snowflakes and red and green adorning the fireplace they’d think they’d have the wrong holiday. Being bipolar, celebrating Christmas whenever I want makes perfect sense in my head. In fact, I might just celebrate it all year long. It brings me JOY and an elevated spirit. Both of which a bipolar are screaming for. I promise myself I won’t get manic with the holidays. There is just too much excitement I am drawn to my bed reading Emily Dickinson and re-evaluating my moods over and over and over. With each passing minute knowing it is one minute closer to Christmas. Like a child, I cross off the days in my planner. The fantasy and excitement are what I experience on a daily basis. Even when its not a major holiday, it is still there and I end up celebrating each holiday in advance to give it a long time to enjoy. One day I might calm down a bit on holidays, but for now my brain is on fire and I can’t keep up with it.
Part of being bipolar is having an erratic sleep schedule. Often times I go to bed at six thirty and am up to start my day at midnight. I’ve grown to love midnight. There is a stillness you cannot replicate during any other time of the day. Time stands still. It is my time. It is the population of bipolars time. It is a time when I can dream out loud and carry out my dreams. Tonight I dream about tea parties and chit chat with the best friend I have yet to meet. As I sip my decaf I implore donning a wide brimmed hat and talking in an English accent. Tea for one can be just as heavenly.
I highly recommend books and audio cd’s by Louise Hay. Her powerful affirmations have worked wonders for thousands of people, including me. Her book, You Can Heal Your Life, is one of my favorite books. I always start and end my day by listening to her audio cd’s. Her publishing company Hay House has an outstanding group of additional authors with self help and motivational books and products. If you get the chance to visit there, I think you will benefit from it and feel extremely uplifted.
Dreamer, Free Spirit, helper, manic, anxious, introverted, reclusive, loner, trying to take on this world one day at time. Although I was only diagnosed with bipolar 1 a year ago, I feel like I have been suffering with it for over 10 years. I started becoming manic in highschool. I switched around to 3 different types of schooling (public, private and online), all on my own volition. It was organized chaos, but in my head it made perfect sense. I ended up graduating from the original school I attended (lost a year from all of this) so did not graduate with my original graduating class. I then went on to nursing school which is perfect if you are manic. Lack of sleep and a strenuous schedule disguised my paranioa, and downright psychosis. I made it through by memorizing all of the content. I never held a nursing job for longer than a month and this would be a part time job, no more than 20 hours a week. During this time I also had 2 children 15 months apart. Again another way a manic’s brain works. Being at home full time now, I went on to have 2 more children 2 years apart, bringing the grand total to 4. I could not hide my mania any longer. I was engaging in wreckless behavior and was hospitalized twice. I knew I needed help so I moved from one state to another to live with my mother and get the intense treatment I so desperately needed. Slowly I am evolving and owning my illness. To all the mentally ill out there, I adore you. We are all friends. Shalom & Namaste.